Author: Kerli Rungi
Every leader sooner or later faces the question: what really motivates my people? Salary and bonuses are just one part of the picture, but often there are deeper values and inner drivers at play. Discovering them isn’t always easy – and this is where a tool called Contrasting Questions can help.
Contrasting Questions is a simple yet powerful conversational method rooted in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). The idea is to ask someone alternately What would motivate you to do this?” and then “If this happens, what might still make you change your mind?”.. This back-and-forth quickly peels away the layers until you reach the person’s deeper values and real reasons.
There is, however, one essential condition: this tool only works in a trusting environment.. When a person feels that they are genuinely listened to and that their answers are valued, they are willing to go deeper in their responses.
When to use it?
- When you want to understand why an employee is considering a new role, project, or even leaving the company.
- When organizational change is coming and you want insight into both motivators and sources of resistance.
- When you want a clearer picture of a person’s real needs and values.
- When reflecting on your own decisions and choices.
How to use it?
- Give a heads-up. Explain that you’ll be using a slightly unusual set of questions and ask for their agreement.
- Start with motivation. For example: “What would motivate you to take on this new role?”
- Add the contrast. Ask: “If that happens, what would still make you change your mind?”
- Keep alternating. After 5–6 questions you’ll start uncovering the real picture of motivation and values.
- Maintain trust. Support and listen – only in a safe conversation will a person reveal their deeper drivers.
How do you know when to stop?
The conversation has reached its natural end when the answers start repeating without adding new information, or when the person feels they’ve already reached their deepest response.
And what next?
Once the layers are uncovered, you can continue in a coaching style – picking up on some of the mentioned points and exploring them further. It can also be very valuable to ask the person what they themselves discovered about their own motivations during this conversation.
A real-life example
A leader wanted to understand why one of their team members was hesitant about taking on a project manager role.
- Leader: “What would motivate you to take on the project manager role?”
- Team member: “It would give me more responsibility and growth opportunities.”
- Leader: “If that happens, what would still make you give up that role?”
- Team member: “I’m afraid it will reduce the time I have with my family.”
- Leader: “If lack of time is a concern, what might still motivate you to take the role?”
- Team member: “If I had certainty that I could work flexibly.”
- Leader: “And if flexibility is there, what might still hold you back?”
- Team member: “Maybe the fear that I’m not good enough for the role.”
- Leader: “If that’s the concern, what might still motivate you to try?”
- Team member: “If I knew I’d get support and feedback from my manager.”
- Leader: “And if you get support and feedback, what might still make you hesitate?”
- Team member: “Only if the project was highly technical and beyond my experience.”
In this way, the leader moved quickly beyond surface answers – the real issue wasn’t lack of interest but a question of confidence and the need for support.
Why does it work?
In regular conversations, we often only hear the first, surface-level answer. Contrasting Questions, however, help you dig deeper and reach the values that influence decisions most strongly – whether it’s meaningful work, growth opportunities, work-life balance, or the need for belonging.
If you want to try this method in your team or use it for self-analysis, our good partner, CaseHub has put together a compact, helpful guide. You can download it HERE and feel free to share it with your team.
CaseHub is a collaborative leadership development hub. It brings together leaders with varied experiences to tackle real-world problems, learn from each other and strengthen their people understanding.
If you would like to find out more about this or any other management tool or equipment, please contact. kerli@cohorts.work for more information.